Sharon:

Thank you so much for taking so much time talking with me and my husband on the phone the other day. The information and comfort you provided to us both was invaluable. Your strength has given me the strength to speak up against drug facilitated sexual assault and finding your website has been a god send to us. After over three weeks of daily discussions with my husband and family on every detail of that night, I cannot beat myself up anymore and have come to the conclusion I must pass along the valuable information and lessons I have learned. If only I could turn back the clock of time with what I know now.

A couple of very important details were left out of my husband's story about my nightmare (See Dan's story) details that may have saved me had I been aware of drink spiking. The fact that my husband was able to put down in words the crime committed against me, has helped give me the strength to speak out. I have had over 3 weeks to reflect on the events of that evening and know what I have learned could help save someone else from going through anything like this. I had been with a girlfriend earlier in the evening but she had to leave for a family function.

Lesson # 1: When your friend or friends leave, you need to leave also! Never stay or go somewhere by yourself.

The second mistake I made was getting up to go to the bathroom which is lesson # 2 and the most important message here. NEVER leave your drink unattended! If you need to use the bathroom take your drink with you. It is not silly, only smart. I know this is when my drink was first spiked.

The third lesson is never accept a drink from a stranger. I actually had not remembered accepting the drink from the perpetrator until I had a flash almost 2 weeks after the attack leading me to the conclusion my first dose happened when I went to the bathroom and left my glass of wine unattended. A second dose came in the glass of wine brought to me by the predator. This is how they get you engaged in conversation and then those gut instincts we all have are gone.

Another very clear flash is the look on the perpetrators face staring at me as I was consoling the older gentleman about his wife's Alzheimer's. I will never forget the look on his face as if he was saying "She's almost there, time to get her out of here." That look of evil in his eyes will haunt me forever. Hindsight is 20/20 but as you go through the shock and disbelief certain very disturbing memories become clear.

Lesson # 4: To witnesses a victim only appears to be intoxicated and because of this most people would just dismiss the situation has someone having too much to drink. I wish I could say I put up a fight but now know it probably looked like I went willingly with him. A lesson to all of us who has witnessed a situation like this, please get involved and ask questions.

There are still no memories or new flashes in my mind of what happened during the 8 hours after consoling the older man until semi coming to conscious that first time as I was being sexually assaulted. I do remember the confusion I felt, not knowing where I was or how I got there unable to scream, run, call 911 or anything before passing out again. When you tell your story to the police they look and treat you like you are crazy. "Did you call 911 or run out of there" is what you are asked. I can only tell you that you can't do, think or say anything. You are in an utter state of haziness and confusion. I continue to thank god every day that I didn't kill myself or someone else driving home early that morning. I can vaguely visualize myself driving but actually don't remember the drive home. I can only say I think my beloved mother was watching over me which is why I am still alive.

Another part of the torture is constantly asking yourself "What happened to me during all those hours where I have no memory." You will literally drive yourself crazy, unable to work, eat, sleep, concentrate, want to shower or get dressed. It consumes every aspect of your thoughts and makes you question everything you thought you knew about yourself. How could I have been that careless? But as I have learned the hard way we all just live our lives unaware that sexual predators are out there lurking waiting to pounce on some innocent unsuspecting person. People will say to you "Well maybe it's better that you don't remember anything" and I keep telling myself maybe it is better, but the hardest part is that I remember enough.

When someone does something like this to you the rape is only one part of it. What they also take from you is your trust, your spirit and your joy even though you constantly tell yourself "I will not allow him to continue to have power over me." This drugging and subsequent violation is one of the most heinous acts (besides murder) on another human being yet why as victims do we feel such shame and guilt? So much that you can't even bring yourself to tell those close to you. I have to wonder how many victims never say anything because they think they must have drank too much. This coupled with the lack of memory and then what the justice system does to you I can certainly understand why more people do not come forward.

They say one in four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Drink spiking can happen to anyone. The drugs that predators use not only make you do things that you would never do, but render you completely helpless and are very difficult to prosecute. There are over 1 million registered sex offenders in our country and all too often they are released back into society to strike again due to "lack of evidence."

My father worked tirelessly trying to get this sexual predator back into jail for the second felony committed by failing to register while here in our state. Sad to say I heard from the detective a couple of days ago that he is back in Texas working and living his life, waiting to strike again. I have come to realize, this is what I need to do.get back to living my life having learned the hard way some very valuable lessons I need to share with others and to help heal myself. I also thank god for my family's support during this horrible time. I am so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life. My husband, my father, my two brothers, great friends and a boss who has been so supportive have helped me tremendously. I realize this is a hard thing for people to handle.

There is a reason I survived this, not only could the drugs have killed me but he could have killed me and dumped my body somewhere leaving my family to wonder what the hell happened to me. We read and hear these kinds of stories on the news all the time. I am so glad I am not just another statistic. I had such a happy life before being targeted and victimized, a life I want back. I have a voice and know I need to help educate the people in my city. If I can help save just one person from going through what I did, this will be my justice.

Stay Aware and Always Watch Your Drink!!

I am a 52 year old professional man happily married to a 48 year old professional woman. My wife recently had an experience which sounds very similar to what happened to Nathan's wife. She stopped at a local bar (about a ½ mile from our home) at 7:30 pm on a Friday night 3 weeks ago. This bar is normally occupied with locals from our city, however on this fateful night there were a couple of guys in there from Texas. She ordered one glass of wine and was talking with an older man (late 60's) about his struggles dealing with his wife who he said has Alzheimer's disease. She was consoling him when another man (early 40's) brought her a glass of wine. Engrossed in her conversation with this older man who by this time was sobbing, she accepted the glass of wine and started drinking it. In hindsight this turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life. While drinking the glass of wine brought to her she felt an intense "rush" which started at her toes and went all the way up to her head. This occurred a little after 8 pm.

The next thing she remembers is semi coming to consciousness lying on her side naked being sexually assaulted in a room by the man who had brought her the drink that night at the bar. She got out of the bed and started searching for her clothes and purse. She remembers putting her clothes on, sitting on the bed and blacked out again. She came to a couple of hours later when he was trying to remove her clothes. She got up, didn't know where she was or how she got there and asked where her purse and car were. The man didn't answer her but left the room and came back with a younger male who he said would take her back to her car. She remembers getting into a white van and was driven back to the bar where she saw her vehicle. She asked him where he was from and he said he was from Texas, here on a job.

Still in a foggy state of mind, she managed to drive the short distance home. She remembers the clock in her car said 7 am. She came into the house and went into my son's bedroom where she passed out again. At 7 am I was actually home in the back yard talking to my son about the fact that she did not come home, neither one of us realizing she had just arrived home. We had been having a little disagreement that week and I foolishly assumed she had spent the night either at her father's or a girlfriend's, even though my wife has never stayed out all night. Around 9:30 am I was sitting in my office when she came around the corner and headed upstairs to our bedroom. Her shoulders were slumped over and she said nothing as I followed her upstairs. I asked her where she had been and she replied "I don't know." I questioned whether she had been at her father's or a girlfriend's home for the night and she just said no. She didn't seem herself so I decided not to push her at that time and she got into her night gown and crawled into bed. She spent all that day sleeping on and off and would not eat anything. I went out and bought her roses and a card and tried talking to her about our disagreement. At around 4 pm she asked me if we could just lay and watch some TV which we did until I fell asleep about 10:30 pm.

My wife says she was up all night trying to piece together the events of the previous evening and came to the conclusion that she was drugged and raped. She woke me up at around 5 am and in a horrifying voice said "Dan something bad happened to me last night and I need to go find a hotel and a white van." I jumped up from bed, we got dressed and she led me to a hotel close to our home. Once in the parking lot she got out of the car and showed me the white van she recognized and said "I came out of one of these rooms." I told her we needed to call the police.

The sheriff took her report and asked if she would do a SARTS exam and if she would be able to identify the man and willing to prosecute. She said yes on all three and we proceeded home where the clothes she wore that evening were bagged and off we went to meet a detective where they would be doing the SARTS exam. After her exam my wife was interviewed by the detective and she gave descriptions of the assailant and the younger man who drove her back to her car. We returned home at about 12 pm, about 45 minutes later the detective called, said he was at the hotel, had both men detained and asked my wife to come down and identify them. I was sick to my stomach as he paraded the predator in front of our car about 15 feet away. My wife identified both men and we watched as the perpetrator was put into a squad car.

The following Tuesday my wife received a call from the detective asking if she could come to the courthouse that afternoon to be interviewed by the DA. After two hours of grilling by the DA we were told that because of all the missing hours where she has no memory, it is a he said/she said situation and he could not take the case at this time. (It takes 4-7 months to get the results from the SARTS test) After the interview I asked the DA and detective VERY strongly "Who is this guy? We know nothing about him, not even his name!!" I was concerned because he had access to my wife's purse for 8 "unknown" hours and I was concerned for my family's safety. Reluctantly he gave us a name and his advice was "Call 911 if you see him." The following day he was released from jail.

At 6 am Thursday morning we received a phone call from my father-in-law telling us that he spent all night on the internet trying to find out some information about my wife's assailant. We were horrified to learn that not only did he have quite a rap sheet, but that he was a nationally registered sex offender for life. My father-in-law spent the next several days making phone calls to the detective demanding that he be re-arrested for failing to register when he arrived in our state. (we did get confirmation that he did not register in our state) This would be another felony he committed in addition to my wife's assault. As of today, he is now listed as absconded (one who goes into hiding to avoid being prosecuted for a crime).

My wife has been very traumatized by this sexual predator and dealing with the Department of Justice. We have learned that the laws protect the criminals more than the victim. She had to take 30 days leave from work and is meeting with a trauma counselor (she found on her own) in addition to actively searching for other individuals who have experienced being drugged and sexually assaulted. My wife is a highly organized professional woman who has run an office for cardiovascular surgeons for over 20 years. She is a loving wife, mother, daughter and sister who did not deserve to be targeted and victimized by this sexual predator. If this could happen to someone like her, it could happen to anyone! We are still trying to come to grips with all of this and finding your web site today was a God send to us. We thought this type of thing only happened to young party girls. This shows our naivety.

I know it would help us tremendously at this terrible time in our lives to speak or communicate with others who share a similar experience. I suddenly did not feel so alone after reading Nathan's story and it motivated me to submit our story. We would welcome any support and/or contact if possible as we try to get through this horrendous time in our lives.

Dan

I recently was giving a drink called homeboy ice tea. Before this I was a little drunk maybe 7 beers in 5 hours. After the ice tea, I can remember only a very short time. I was arrested for and was found to have marijuana on me with a pipe, don't know where these came from. The next day I was admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure and tremors or shaking. After I drank the tea the guy told me dude that had ghb in it, which I was like right.

Now I am in trouble with the law and they don't believe me because I can't remember anything after I drank it. I have hired a lawyer but between the tickets which I called on battery for hitting a bar owner in the face after I woke up from sleeping at the bar, he was also a friend, any information to me can be helpful.

Sharon, I commend the work you have done and continue to do.

My wife was a victim of this crime just recently. And in order to help other women out there I would like to share her experience and give some advice based on what we learned.

It was a Thursday night, and my wife went downtown to a club with a co-worker (distinct difference from friend). The female co-worker was meeting another co-worker, for a "first date" if you will.

My wife had 3 drinks with these co-workers and went dancing for a bit. She came back to the table and had another drink. This drink delivered by the waitress, had a strange taste so she brought it back to the bartender and received another one.

She went back out to the dance floor.

She was soon approached by a "normal" looking guy who first asked her if she was married. She said yes. The man then asked if your husband would mind if I bought you a drink. Thinking he was harmless, she said no, he wouldn't mind.

They sat at the bar and after some time she turned her back to him, as if trying to say, thanks for the drink, but I am not interested.

From there her memory is gone.

She doesn't remember closing her tab. She remembers getting her coat, thinking she was going out front of the club to smoke.

Meanwhile her friends remember her giggling, hanging all over the guy, kissing him, and then leaving (they thought she two was smoking because she was all night and he was following her with the two drinks still).

Next all she remembers is seeing the side of a cab. Thinking in the cab, "where are we going?"

She doesn't remember vomitting all over herself and the cab. She remembers being at the cheap hotel desk while they were getting a room. Again, unable to comprehend the situation. And she remembers him kissing her in the hotel room.

When she woke she called me immediately, not knowing where she was or what had happened. Unfortunately, I was only suspicious, not knowing that being drugged was even a possibility.

She woke him up and asked him if they had done "it".

He replied, "What, you don't remember? I guess this makes it awkward for the two of us."

She went to work that day, left early to see her primary care doctor and when she did she was alerted by her doctor that she had been sexually assaulted.

She was treated by the responding police officer like she was at fault, that it was infidelity. The officer called me and asked if there was a history of infidelity. I said, "No, she never goes out, she is a mother of three, and a very dedicated mother."

I asked if she was drugged.

The officer responded, "if she was drugged, he would have had to carry her out of the club." Not true, I know this now.

At the hospital in the rape clinic, things moved very slow and she was not tested until the end, almost eighteen hours after she was dosed.

The drug test came back negative. The police found the guy, he denies everything, and says that she was having the time of her life. The DA decided not to procesecute. Good news is they have his name and he is now in a database, when he strikes again, and he will, hopefully he will be caught. I did write the Chief of Police, telling her of the story and urging her to take more proactive measures in educating the women in this city.

So, what did we learn:

1. Watch your drink and do not accept a drink from anyone you don't know, no matter how harmless they appear.
2. Go out with FRIENDS, not co-workers, people who don't know you outside of work.
3. Get tested immediately. Demand that it be done first thing.
4. Most of all, be strong and do not blame yourself for what was done to you.

Sharon,

Thankfully this story didn't turn out bad but I thought it was important to share. I believe that my sister and I were given something in our drinks by a bartender in Las Vegas just last weekend.

We stopped by a bar for a buy one drink, get one free deal. We ordered lemon drop martinis and never left our drinks alone. After just a few sips we both started to feel drunk and joked about what strong drinks they were. We decided not to stay at the bar and by the time we were back outside walking the strip we were feeling woozy and really drunk, off of the one drink!

Thankfully nothing bad happened to us. I feel strongly that some kind of drug was put in our drinks. I'm just shocked that a bartender would do something like that as he was the only one who could have. You basically can't trust anyone! I think the most important thing to do is to always go out with friends so you can watch each other. Better yet, have a designated person who drinks their own water and nothing else!!

Thankful Erin

I have been a victim 16 years ago in May 1992 whilst I was 26 years old and part of a group of canadian students on a study tour in Costa Rica. Only on the last night I was alone in the capital San José to take a plane the next day. Another student - whom I should never had trusted- had told me to go to a nice small hotel owend by a German in San José. I went and was more or less the only customer that one night. The lady at the reception /bar served me the fatal drink. Her boss and the watchman did the rest.

The memory of this terrible incident only came back to my conscience 14 years after it took place in 2006. I was undertaking an hypno-therapy because of being too tired after the birth of my 2nd child and then this memory immediately propped up. This has been a terrible time since. I gained nearly 20 lbs. I try to tell people with teenager girls to warn them. This seems to be the best I can do but I wish I could do something to get these people accountable for their deeds.

Thanks for your initiative.

Anne

We have four teenagers in the Tipperary Ireland area that have been committed to mental hospitals recently after their drinks were spiked. My sister is friends with one of them.

Where are these coasters available from please? Your site is brilliant by the way.

Dear Sharon,

Hello again, just stopping by to tell you how much I appreciate the books, support & comfort you have given to me lately. I believe I would still be a lost victim if it weren`t for you & your book as you both pointed me in the right direction. Your book is amazing & it`s so nice to know that I am not going through this alone. I hope people that visit your site & also that read your book will tell others about your website, I know I will. Again thanks. The following is a poem I wrote before reading your book. I no longer blame God after reading Who`s Watching Your Drink, instead I keep thanking God for my son & letting me live & not die on them horrible nights. I have reason to believe this happened to me four times in my life. When I was 17, 18, 20, & again 20 yrs.

God help me I`m so, so sad, I recently learned my son has a bad dad. The man whom had taken me on that awful night, God what he did to me, just was not right.

This has been hidden deep inside me all these years, Now I have to fight to push away all my tears. How could you let something like that happen to me, Now, I wish he had never told me and just let us be.

You saw what he did to me on that frightful night, And you know my son just wants him to make things right. Until then my son lives on without that bad dad, Who cannot face up to the fact that he was so bad.

How can you allow so much rape in this world, Everytime I think or hear about it my stomach gets curled. He told me he remembers fooling around with me that night, But by telling me 27 years later doesn`t make things right.

Thank you for writing your book"Who's Watching Your Drink". The incident also happened to me although, I didn't know it at the time. In my case I am almost sure photos and video were taken as well. I vaguely remember something like that. It haunts me to this day and I did report it, anonymously.

Thanks for speaking out against these HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE people who feel it is their right to violate someone else.

Heidi